"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."
-- Unknown

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Life on cruise control

I don’t know what my deal is lately. I feel like things around me are moving at light-speed, yet I’m standing still in the middle of all the chaos. I can’t seem to get anything accomplished.

My house is in serious need of a deep cleaning. I have dishes to wash, laundry to do, floors to sweep, furniture to dust… the list is ridiculous. I just keep putting it off. And you know what? I feel severely unmotivated.

Then there is the whole Christmas shopping thing. I haven’t started. Not so much as a single gift has been purchased. I have a vague idea of what I’m going to get everyone, but I’ve made no move to actually do so. I don’t even own wrapping paper. Or tape. Or bows. I should probably get on that.

I don’t know where the year went. There were things I wanted to accomplish this year that I never got around to. To my credit, I did finally graduate, finish an internship and get a big-girl job. I guess that counts for something.

And there’s always next year. (Which is freakishly close.)

I’ve already started a “goals list” for 2009. (Inspiration courtesy of Hebba. That girl makes lists for everything!) Maybe if my goals are staring up at me in black ink, I’ll be more likely to work towards them. I might even share them with you guys. Then you can hold me accountable and force me to not be so lazy.

Overall, I’ve been feeling a little insignificant lately. (Not in the sad, pathetic way.) I just feel like there is so much out there — so many experiences, so many opportunities — that I haven't taken advantage of. I don’t want to lead a mediocre life. I know it sounds cheesy, but I want my life to really count for something. I want to make a difference. I don’t want to feel like I missed out on anything.

I’m getting tired of living life on cruise control.

Carpe diem, right?


Diane said...

Oh, sweetness, you count. In such big ways, you've no idea. And graduating and getting a big girl job? That's nothing to sneeze at, chickie-do. My to-do list for this year is FULL of unfinished things... I'm not sure I accomplished ANYTHING I set out to do. The whole light speed versus standing still thing? Yeah, I feel ya. Here's to 2009... may we do what we set out to do... :)

Mel said...

Oh honey! You've got ennui too. I think we're doing a vulcan mind-meld thing with each other! It was like you wrote everything I've been thinking and feeling for the last week or so.

I agree with Diane, Here's to 2009. May it be the year of us!

BTW - your mom's comment on my L list cracked me up. The guy your mom is in love with is Ryan Lochte, the best swimmer in the world except for Michael Phelps.

Anonymous said...

Heather, I think you've accomplished quite a bit this year. Getting through with school and landing a great job are givens, but you've also become self sufficient and to me that's the one I'm most proud of. Do you realize that you've only needed money help once since you've started working? and that was an unexpected vet bill. THAT'S HUGE!!!

Love M

Jenners said...

I think you have the holidays blues...I often get them this time of year. And the whole artificial thing about the New Year and goals and all that crap.

Jeez...you accomplished TONS of stuff this year. Give yourself a lot of credit!!!! The biggest thing I did this year was start a blog ... so what does that say about me? You have so much going for you and such a future ahead of you. And you know what, if you are happy in whatever you do, that is a life that is worthwhile. The older you get the more you'll see that it is all the little things that count...and you seem to appreciate that already!!

Jen L. said...

Welcome to your first "quarter-life crisis!" They are tough. You've been going and going up to this point to finish school, find the perfect job, and start your life. Now you're there and you feel like you're waiting for life to start, right? Been there. Do all you do with zest and make every day count. Take time for YOU now, to do all the things you weren't able to while trying to get through school AND work. It's a time to grow into yourself...and an exciting one at that! But it does take some adjustments. I had a rough time when I got my first job. I didn't know what to do with myself not having to read 4 plays a night, write papers for class AND go to rehearsal. Eventually, I learned. It's all part of figuring out how to be a grown-up, I guess.

Southern Dialogue said...

Read "The Purpose Driven Life..." made a huge difference in my life and the way I look at what I'm actually here for! Love it!