"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."
-- Unknown
--

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Therapy, of sorts...

In all honesty, I’m not sure how to do this. Granted, I’ve never had any problems expressing my feelings… but these are feelings I’d really rather keep to myself. However, it’s been suggested that it might be therapeutic to type out some thoughts regarding last month’s big break up.

Let’s see… how do I feel? Sad, disappointed. Like I lost my very best friend. I think that’s actually the hardest part. As in any relationship, we shared a lot of laughs and there were times I felt he understood me better than anyone else ever had. Of course, there were also times when I wondered if he knew me at all.

It’s hard to face the realization that someone you care for so deeply might not be the right person for you. I’m not going to go into personal details here. I’m not going to point fingers or place any blame – but I will say that my heart had been hurting for quite some time. In the end, it was a hurt that I couldn’t deal with anymore. A pain that I just couldn’t face for the rest of my life.

So, I’m dealing with it in my own way. I’m staying as busy as possible and trying not to dwell on my sadness. I want to move on with my life. I want to be happy. And I want him to do the same. No matter how things ended for us, Kevin was a huge part of my life for a very, very long time. (We met when I was 19.) I genuinely hope that he can find happiness. I wish him nothing but the very best in life.

I find myself wondering how long it’ll hurt. It’s been about a month, and there are still days that it feels brand new. I came across some pictures yesterday and nearly fell apart at work. Not good. But then there are also moments - when I’m surrounded by friends, laughing and enjoying life - that I almost feel normal. It’s like a see-saw.

Anyway – I know I’ll be fine. These things happen every day and my case is not unique. Things WILL get better.

17 comments:

scarlethue said...

If I could rewind my life about, oh, 6 years, I'd be in your shoes. I met my first serious boyfriend at age 17 and dated him until nearly 21. 4 years is a long time to be with someone. He was my best friend, in some cases my only friend. But we were NOT right for each other. It took me a good 6 months to realize that I had made the right decision breaking up with him, and at least another year to completely get over it. But I met my husband and found out what I was missing. It'll work out for the best hun, I know it. Maybe I'll post about this later.

Trudy said...

Better to find out now than years down the road, or to keep clinging to something you know isn't working. I could pump you full of cheeriness and good thoughts, but that just seems so cliche'. I do think we've all been there and gotten through it. It is great to get your feelings down and let it all out. And it's ok to cry sometimes too, that's part of the healing and part of moving on.

And remember, not all men are wrong for you!

Hugs!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'm sorry and I wish I could tell that on day 100 you'll wake up and feel terrific.

The heart takes time to heal and you can't really quicken the pace.

septembermom said...

The hurt will go away in time. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this pain. You'll be stronger and wiser after you are finished with this "grieving". Hugs and more hugs, my friend!

Kim said...

When you've invested so many years into a relationship it is only natural that it will take some time for you to be okay with what has happened. Pain is one of those things in life that you just can't hide from. Take the good with the painful these days. Tell yourself that there will be pain often for a while but then there will be an opening when you will be like: okay I think I'm okay. I think it's okay that it ended. I think I may be ready to move on. It's good that you figured out that there are some things you just couldn't live with/without in that situation. It's the only way to get on the path to finding the right person to share your life with. The last thing you want is to be married with kids and have this happen. It is a painful gift to find out that this had to end. It means that you have learned some hard earned lessons. It makes you one step closer to reaching your next partner. Have you read Eat Pray Love yet????? You have my email address...send me your address and I will send you my copy. It is so good and refreshing and if you have already read it, read it again. xo Kim

sherri said...

We all have a hard time letting go even when things aren't good for us (too many doughnuts, cigarettes booze,....) sometimes it's just the familiarity we miss. The routine. Soon, a new routine will develope, someone or something will become more familiar to you.

He was meant to be in your life for the time he was in your life- and now it's time to go.

It's like me and miniskirts. There was a time I looked and felt great in them, but they are no longer a part of my wardrobe. Not because they're bad, but because they no longer fit- or work- and I would look silly at my age walking around in them!

But I have pictures to prove that at one time we worked well together- but now, I'm enjoying my comfy jeans with stilettos!

You'll find that perfect fit again for this time in your life.

Look back only to blow a kiss to your past!

Brunch at Saks said...

Thank you for being so honest! It is refreshing to know that others go through heartbreak and that not everyone just gets over relationships quickly. So many times people say "oh screw him, who cares" or "move on already" but it can be so hard! You are fabulous! Love ya girl XOXO

Andy said...

I hope that was a therapeutic post for you...
It took me months, even years, to get over my biggest heartbreak, but the point is I got over it, and am truly a better person and a better relationship partner because of it. So keep that in mind- you'll be that much better in your next relationship because of this experience, however sour it ended.

Kitten said...

Heather,

First of all, sending huge hugs your way. I know exactly what you are going through. It's so hard to lose someone--ANYONE--who is close to you, especially boyfriends/BFs.

As for the healing process...well, life is really funny like that. There can be days where you'll feel totally normal, and then, suddenly--BOOM!--a wave of nostalgia will hit out of nowhere.

Take some time to recognize your feelings and acknowledge them. It's not totally healthy to completely block them out, either.

Finally, if you ever need to talk, know that you've got us. :) We're here for you, just as you've been there encouraging us when we need it. :)

Jessica said...

first off, let me just say kudos to you for putting this out there. I know how hard it is for you to do that (hello, remember, we're the same person) but it's so so good for you to "talk" about it. And you know what? Sometimes it's just much easier to "talk" to your blog about it. So good for you.

This WILL pass. I know it's not easy. And really... you'll always have him in your heart i'm sure so you'll think of him from time to time. But as that time goes by the pain will get dimmer and dimmer. Hopefully, you'll be able to look back and smile with a warm heart towards him even.
But you knew he wasn't THE ONE. Which means THE ONE IS out there waiting for you. You have to go through this to find him. And it will be better than you've ever even imagined. I have complete faith in all of this!!
Love you!!!

hebba said...

Eventually, one day you will look up and think "Oh my goodness, I haven't thought about how sad I am for about 2 hours" then, you'll only think about it after you go to bed but before you fall asleep.

Then, you'll have a night where you just fall asleep. It takes a while.

And strange, getting over somebody isn't a linear process.

Sometimes you just have days where you feel like you are all the way back at the beginning when something...a song, a newspaper headline, some dud'e baseball hat...just reminds you of him sooo much.

There's a reason all those sappy heartbreak songs are so popular. It's a universal thing. We've all been there. And we all eventually make it through.

It's just hard while you are there in the thick of it. Keep writing. It helps.

~Thought's By Dena~ said...

I think that at some point in everyones life we have all gone thru this....sometimes more than once....life does go and the pain does heal....you will one day realize that you learned from all of this...dont be sad that it ended be happy that you experienced what you did with him...its all a part of making you who you are today and who you will be tomorrow!!! (HUGZ)

Rachel Cotterill said...

Hope it levels out soon, I know how you're feeling xx

Lacey said...

I think you're an incredibly strong person to recognize the weaknesses in your relationship and make the decision to move on rather than simply settle. I know you both care a LOT for each other... and sometimes, as horrible as it feels right this second, that's just not enough. It also sounds like you're self aware enough to notice your ups and downs instead of wallowing... I can't tell you how many times I've been miserable about something, and it never even dawns on me that I need to get out and DO something about it! I'm sending all sorts of good vibes your way, okay? :-)

RileyScott said...

I know you're hurting now, but these things do pass. I know, I went through it back in 2001. Lost my best friend of 4 years, who was also my girlfriend.

So far you seem to be doing better then me. So keep up the good work.

Remember, "There's a fine fine line between love, and a waste of time..." Avenue Q

Jenners said...

I totally had to go back and find out how I missed that you guys had broken up again ... finally figured out why. Was probably reading late at night and skimming fast and you slipped it in, you sly dog. Well, I'm glad you got to go on vacation and get some time away. I know it is hard, but I guess you guys tried again and it just isn't working. It takes time but you will heal. I know you will. Just take it one day at a time.

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