"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."
-- Unknown
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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Happy? So-so...

Diane posed an interesting question on her blog yesterday. She wanted to know how many of her readers were truly happy with their life and how many weren’t quite there yet.

And it really got me thinking. See, overall I’m a pretty happy person. I try to be positive and remind myself numerous times a day how very blessed I am. I have a loving family and a wonderful job that I was able to land just out of college. (Literally – I started the day after I graduated.) I am able to support myself and occasionally splurge on things that I want. I don’t have to worry where my next meal is going to come from, or if I’ll be able to pay my rent next month. I have a fantastic church family. I have someone who loves me unconditionally. I have so many things to be happy about…

So why do I find myself so down some days? Why do I feel so restless? There are days that I find myself so overcome with self pity that I find it hard to function. I know I have a good life, but some days I want more. I want excitement. I want a change of scenery. I want friends my age. I’ve been here a year and have yet to make many strong friendships. In a lot of ways, I still feel like an outsider. I miss being near my family and I miss seeing Kevin. Once a week just isn’t enough.

I joke about my boring life a lot, but in reality it’s not that funny. I leave work at 4:30 everyday and spend the rest of the day completely alone (with the exception of Toby). It might be different if Kevin didn’t work nights in another county. Maybe we could have dinner together a few times a week. But as it is, I find myself alone the majority of the time. And it gets old.

I’ve really been missing my friends from back home. With the start of summer, a lot of them are going to different outdoor concerts and spending weekends by the pool. They see each other after work and go to baseball games. They grill out and watch movies. I miss having people to hang out with.

But enough of that. I know how very blessed I am to have a job I love. I know things will get better. I’ll eventually find my place in this town. Kevin and I won’t always live an hour and a half away from each other. Things will change. I know. But I can’t help those feelings that keep creeping up – reminding me off all the things I miss about my home town.

17 comments:

RileyScott said...

I think everyone feels like that sometimes. I know I do. I have a wife that lessens the blow, but when I was single, these thoughts crept in more then I would have liked them to. I really feel you on the friends thing. I've never been very good at making lasting friendships, and my two best friends in the world live hundreds of miles away from me, and in opposite directions to boot.

I hope you feel better, and just know that it's a cycle, so the feeling will definitely fade, but they will come again in time. It's just life.

Diane said...

You know I feel your specific pain... this place isn't home for me and I miss the things I used to have. But yes, it will get better... things will change. XOXO

septembermom said...

Oh, I know it's tough with those lonely nights. Things will get better soon. I'm sure Toby knows how to keep you smiling:) You've accomplished so much in your young life. So much happiness is around the corner for you, I'm sure of it!

Trudy said...

I can relate to that lonely feeling Heather. I was there for a long time too. It helped me to focus on all the positives...which it sounds like you're already doing a great job at. This too shall pass, as my grandmother used to say a lot.

H.K. said...

I know exactly what you mean! We moved to a new place just under a year ago and I still miss my friends and family.

For me it was during the day time that I would get lonely. Unemployment is high here, so it was hard getting a part time job and going to school part time was out of the question, since my son's medical costs were very high. So, I felt stuck.

I kept myself busy running errands, going to the gym, cleaning up the house, but it sucked not to be able to meet with a friend for lunch or for a walk.

The past two months finally took matter in my own hands and women that I clicked with at church, I would ask them out for lunch. And it's been nice to have a weekly lunch date with someone for the past two months! I feel like once a week is enough to fill that lonely feeling, though I still miss my old friends!

Can you form a book club once a month or even a dinner with someone once a week? I know easier said than done, hope your able to find that medium!

Little Ms Blogger said...

H.K. has a great solution. Form a book club or host a monthly pot luck dinner.

I don't know if you have http://www.meetup.com/ in your area, but friends of mine have met people at dinner and hiking clubs.

I think everyone has highs and lows, just remember not to take the highs for granted and appreciate them.

sherri said...

it's good that you are focusing on the positives, knowing that NOthing stays the same.

Kim said...

Hey you, I totally understand why you feel lonely and sad sometimes. It's hard being in a new town and not having friends to hang out with. I've been there several times in my life. I feel like I'm sort of there again because none of my friends really live in the same city and none of them have children. So I am in this new phase of my life and I can't do the same things I used to do. I think it's good to be grateful everyday but also give yourself some credit - you have some real reasons for being a bit sad.

But one year is not that long to be somewhere. It takes a while to really make some friends and as little as I know you, I know that you are the kind of person that will make good friends soon! Don't forget that you are also still grieving your grandad and things that might have only made you a little bit sad in the past will be heightened. One of the things that ALWAYS makes me feel better is talking to a therapist. I would highly recommend it. Keep your chin up pretty girl. If you lived near me, we would be best buddies for sure!

Christy said...

I know it might seem lame, but you could either go out by yourself - somewhere cheap or free. A park, sit under a tree and read your book. Or the coffee shop...or join or form a walking or running group or something like that. One or two nights a week. I'm a SAHM with a baby, and I joined a moms group and it's made all the difference in my life...instead of just me and the baby (and the dog) all day, I have options to get together with other moms almost every day of the week, and it really helps!

scarlethue said...

Totally normal. That doesn't make you an "unhappy" person by any means, though-- just human. I feel that way myself. I lead a very blessed life with a wonderful husband, family, job, house, friends, etc., but sometimes I'm down too. It just happens. As long as you know it isn't permanent and you count your blessings, you'll be fine.

You know, volunteering might help. It would take up some of your free time, give you something (and someone) else to think about, and you'd probably make some friends doing it. Maybe Boys and GIrls club or the local shelter?

Rachel Cotterill said...

Ohh *hugs* I feel for you, really! Hopefully the less-perfect bits will be transient.

hebba said...

I think everyone feels that way, from time to time. (as a matter of fact, I mistrust anyone who claims NEVER to feel restless or out of place)

Missy said...

You really are a grown up! You realize what life is really about! Most people do not reach this point on the wisdom road for many many years!
You have such a wonderful life ahead of you, so now just relax! Rest up for the great things to come!

Lacey said...

I can completely relate, Heather! I don't have any friends my age (besides the numerous lifelong friends that now live hundreds and hundreds of miles away), and sometimes it's almost painful not to have anyone to... to... just everything. No one to vent to, go shopping with, tell funny stories to, exchange clothes and meal plans and book recommendations... Believe me, Mike fills much of that void, and I couldn't ask for a better best friend (it's just an added bonus that he's also the love of my life), but sometimes it still sucks not to have any girls to pal around with.

Don't worry, though. You're so social that I can't believe you'll be in this spot much longer! And you have such a great attitude, good things are totally in store for you. :-)

O said...

Yes, things will change! Maybe you could try joining some clubs (something you enjoy - an arts/sports club or a wine tasting group etc) or see what your colleagues do after work?

Once you find your place, you'll have less free time to think of what your home friends are doing. Plus you know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Kelly said...

I too miss my friends. I do not have any friends where I live, all of my girlfriends live FAR away. Making friends has never been my strong suit so I often find myself lonely even with a husband and daughter! I find that the people who claim to never have gone through this are either lying, or they have never allowed themselves to discover anything new.

Jenners said...

I too felt like this when I was about your same age. It is hard to make the transition from college (with tons of built in friends) to the real world (where you have to start all over again and in a much different and less conducive to socializing circumstances). It isn't easy at all. I feel your pain. It will get better eventually but I know what you are going through ... for what that is worth. I'm glad you are getting to meet up with friends and family this weekend ... enjoy!