Diane posed an interesting question on her blog yesterday. She wanted to know how many of her readers were truly happy with their life and how many weren’t quite there yet.
And it really got me thinking. See, overall I’m a pretty happy person. I try to be positive and remind myself numerous times a day how very blessed I am. I have a loving family and a wonderful job that I was able to land just out of college. (Literally – I started the day after I graduated.) I am able to support myself and occasionally splurge on things that I want. I don’t have to worry where my next meal is going to come from, or if I’ll be able to pay my rent next month. I have a fantastic church family. I have someone who loves me unconditionally. I have so many things to be happy about…
So why do I find myself so down some days? Why do I feel so restless? There are days that I find myself so overcome with self pity that I find it hard to function. I know I have a good life, but some days I want more. I want excitement. I want a change of scenery. I want friends my age. I’ve been here a year and have yet to make many strong friendships. In a lot of ways, I still feel like an outsider. I miss being near my family and I miss seeing Kevin. Once a week just isn’t enough.
I joke about my boring life a lot, but in reality it’s not that funny. I leave work at 4:30 everyday and spend the rest of the day completely alone (with the exception of Toby). It might be different if Kevin didn’t work nights in another county. Maybe we could have dinner together a few times a week. But as it is, I find myself alone the majority of the time. And it gets old.
I’ve really been missing my friends from back home. With the start of summer, a lot of them are going to different outdoor concerts and spending weekends by the pool. They see each other after work and go to baseball games. They grill out and watch movies. I miss having people to hang out with.
But enough of that. I know how very blessed I am to have a job I love. I know things will get better. I’ll eventually find my place in this town. Kevin and I won’t always live an hour and a half away from each other. Things will change. I know. But I can’t help those feelings that keep creeping up – reminding me off all the things I miss about my home town.