Chaos and craziness

Weekly writing prompt from MamaKat: Describe a time when your pet caused chaos.

Wow. Just one time my dear, sweet, innocent little angel caused chaos?? I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, he’s destroyed an insane amount of my things. For a dog his size, it’s amazing the things he can eat through. Like a down comforter. Or a cell phone. Or two TV remotes. Ooooh, how about 10 pairs of really cute shoes? While these things have been extremely annoying, they haven’t really been utter chaos.

Not that he’s incapable of making me crazy.

Looking back on it, the funniest instance I can remember happened just a few months ago.

I was home sick from work on a Friday afternoon. I felt so awful, I had not even changed out of my pajamas. My hair was a total disaster, piled on top of my head in some semblance of a ponytail caught in a wind storm. I looked like something from Night of the Living Dead. Anyway, Toby was at the door, whining to go out, so I picked him up and took him to the back yard. See, there’s no door that leads from the house to the yard, so you have to go out into the carport and open the fence… a lot of space for an annoying dog to make a get-away.

I guess he sensed that I was slower than normal on this particular day, so he wiggled and twisted his way out of my arms and took off down the street. Lovely. I knew if I went in to get shoes I’d never find him, or catch up with him, so I ran after him. Barefoot. In my pajamas. At 2:30 in the afternoon. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts.

Toby’s not stupid. Inside, when his attention is focused (which is rare), I can say “sit,” “lay down,” “come here,” “stay,” and he follows directions accordingly. Outside, it’s a totally different story. He suddenly become deaf, running from one yard to the next, peeing on mailboxes, trees, cars… anything he can find — leaving me to chase after him. Then he’ll stop and wait, almost like he’s ready to come home. I’ll get within a foot of catching him, and he’ll shoot off like a rocket.

Anyway, my house is just across the highway from the football stadium where the high school and tiny mite teams play. And their mascot? A bulldog. So here I am, standing in a stranger's yard, barefoot, in my PJs, yelling at my idiot dog, and out of no where, I hear this: “Who let the dogs out? Who, who, who, who? Who let the dogs out?”

How appropriate. Who let this little hellion out?? Oh, right, that was me.

It was like God was laughing at me.