"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."
-- Unknown
--

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Different, yet somehow the same

It’s funny how some people you think you’ll never hear from again can suddenly (and effortlessly) waltz back into your life.

Over the course of the last couple of months – and more specifically, the last week or two – I’ve reconnected with someone I haven’t talked to in nearly six years: my high school sweetheart.

The night of the Iron Bowl, I got an unexpected phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. When I answered, I was nearly floored at who was on the line. We talked for almost two hours.

During our recent conversations I’ve learned that a lot has changed for him since we broke up in 2004. He’s been married and divorced. Joined the Coast Guard. Moved across the country and back again. And he’s lost his southern accent. (Although he says I’ve found it in abundance.)

But some things have definitely not changed. He’s still the same good-natured guy he always was. He’s still upbeat and ridiculously funny. And he still has the ability to keep me talking for hours on end, like no time has passed at all.

In some ways, it’s strange to talk to him now – but mostly it just feels really good to reconnect with someone who was once my very best friend. Enough time has passed that we can communicate without the tension or emotions of a fresh break up. I think it’s good. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed laughing with him.

He’s known me for so long – he knows my dreams. The things I want to do in life. Places I want to see. And he readily pointed out that I haven’t really followed through with many of them. He asked me what I was waiting for and told me I was wasting precious time. I guess he’s right.

I don’t know if we’ll continue talking, or if this rekindling of our long-lost friendship is only temporary – but I hope this is only the beginning. He meant so much to me for so long. It would be great if we could be friends now, after all these years.

What do you think? Are any of y’all on speaking terms with an ex?

57 comments:

Jessica said...

Wow - you must have been floored to hear his voice. I have not kept in touch with any of my ex's, but there is probably good reason for that. This, on the other hand, sounds like it could be a great friendship.. at least! Let it flow into whatever it's meant to be and enjoy it :)

Diane said...

I'm on 'wish I liked guns so I could buy one and shoot him in the kneecaps' terms. Does that count? ;)

He sounds like a great guy... I hope you can keep the friendship going!

~ H said...

If there's one thing I've learned over the last year ... it's that I'm better not speaking to my exes. But your situation is much different, and that's a good thing! It's always fun to reconnect with people from your past ... they knew you when you didn't know yourself and it's intriguing to see how things have changed and, in some cases, how they haven't. Enjoy!

RileyScott said...

"The older we get, the more we need the people we knew when we were young"
-The Sunscreen Song

I am actually on good speaking terms with an Ex, and we are both married now. We do not talk often, but when we do it seems to go on for hours. Considering that she was my worst break-up, I'd have to go into the court of it's definitely possible that people can change, and that some friendships can never be stopped.

I hope your rekindling continues

Anonymous said...

I always thought the two of you were adorable together, but that you were both too young to be as serious as you were, with college starting and adulthood on the horizon...what did I know????Sometimes parents can over-think things. We think we have your best interest at heart when we offer up the advice that society tells us we should. I have wished many times over the last few years that the two of you had stayed together, I think you could have both been spared a lot of heartache from the ones who came into your lives after the breakup.
He always felt like one of my kids and my heart was also broken when he was no longer a part of your life. So very glad that the two of you have reconnected, hope it continues.

M

Dan said...

I have a different view of the ex contact thing, somewhat along the lines of RidleyScott's quote above.

I've always thought that if someone was good enough to be brought into my life deep enough to become an ex, give it a few years and they are likely good enough to be a friend (minus the hormones). I still have contact with all my but one of my exes. The one I don't have contact with is the one I wrote a post about that had a mental break and I haven't heard from in 35+ years.

Of course, it might help that I only have 3 exes (first crush, first relationship, crazy) and the first two are still in my life today since one is the sister of one of my best friends and the other is the secretary at the church. And of course, they are all from 35+ years ago.

I will take it even one step further. I am also now good friends with the person who was my dedicated and implacable enemy 40 years ago. A classic example of someone changing radically over the 30 years we had no contact to become friend material. I have often wondered if the same metamorphosis is possible for exes.

After all my meandering, my advice is to enjoy reconnecting and see where it goes.

Missy said...

This, too, is a Lifetime Movie plot! LOL I hope things work out!
I am friends with most and even work with my ex's wife. LOL

scarlethue said...

Nope, but mine always ended nastily. I do keep up with one guy who would have been my boyfriend except for the fact that he turned out to be gay. :)

Judge Fudge said...

You know, it's funny. Just a couple of weeks ago, I became Facebook friends with a girl I dated a couple of times a few years ago.

Trudy said...

Honestly, I only have three exes and I don't speak with any of them anymore. I think your situation is a bit different though since you shared so much in high school, very formative years! I think it's wonderful that you are reconnecting and I say just enjoy things right where they are!

Jen L. said...

Surely you remember MY story about reconnecting with an ex...he's my husband now! :)

Jenners said...

I hope this is not a one-time deal... it is always good to have someone who really knows you in your life.

And I'm in contact with maybe one ex on a regular basis ... but that was really more of a friendship than anything -- it was never really serious to begin with.

A. Jayme said...

Adam? Heather, that is wonderful! We always loved Adam, and thought it was such a shame that you lost contact. Maybe its time to see what more you have in common. Let us know how it goes and tell him hello from us northerners!

Lacey said...

I am definitely NOT on speaking terms with any of my exes, but for good reason, haha. I think it's great, though, that you've reconnected with someone who was so important to you. Everything happens for a reason, ya know!

hebba said...

I have had contact and am good terms with a couple ex's; others not. I feel like if you had enough in common and enough chemistry, then it's the basis for a good friendship. Current boyfriends may not agree, though!

Gregorio Martino said...

My High School sweetheart found me on Facebook after over 25 years of being apart. It was funny how our paths almost crossed so many times over the years but we never quite met again. Now she wants to meet some time just to say hello. I'm not sure....

Jaeve + Things said...

so funny i came across this-- i just hung out with my ex today. it's been 5 years since we broke up but we've remained friends throughout all the other people we eventually dated after each other. also, my high school sweetheart got married two months ago and it was a little emotional to see the passage of time and how things end up so different from what we expect. it always depends on the circumstances , but i think it's ok to be friends w/ an ex, but dont' expect too much. it can get tricky, depending on your intentions, but it also can be good for you because the love never really leaves you, it just changes and he could end up being a really good friend for you. mine has. :)

Andy said...

Actually, I'm friendly with almost all my ex's...
And I had a similar situation, too. A few years ago, I randomly reconnected with my high school gf, and we ended up dating for a few months. It was strange, and yet very familiar. I'm guessing you're feeling the same emotions.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I've reconnected with several ex's and it's nice to reconnect, but for me it was never more.

There was a reason they were in my life and some still via friendship, but romantically, there was a reason we didn't make it work.

But that's just me. You should explore and see where things go if that's what you want.

Fruitcake said...

I've had both positive and negative experiences with old flames, and I hope that yours is a positive one.

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